How Can You Help a Family Member Who is Abusing Alcohol or Drugs?

Someone in your family has a problem with alcohol or drugs. What can you do to help?

You might think that an alcohol or drug problem belongs to the person who is drinking or taking drugs. But if a family member has a problem, then you have a problem too.

Families operate as a system in which each family member’s behavior affects every other member’s behavior. The abuser’s behavior affects all family members, producing painful and difficult feelings in response. At the same time, the other members of the family – unintentionally – develop patterns of behavior that make it easier for the problem drinker or drug user to continue their substance abuse. This behavior is referred to as enabling. Here are some examples of enabling:

Denying that there is a problem, or dismissing the problem as a small one.
Rescuing the abuser from the consequences of his or her use, such as by “calling in sick,” covering up for a broken promise, or lending money.
Taking over the abuser’s responsibilities, making allowances or excuses, forgiving unforgivable behavior or to continue trying to be loving and caring in the face of abuse.
Reinforcing drug use by participating in occasions where it is used.

All of these behaviors allow the abuser to keep using alcohol or drugs in destructive ways and allow the alcohol or drug abuse to progress to a more serious stage.